So tired... For the past few weeks I've been exhausted all the time - all the damn time... Mostly because of school and all its works piling up, being late, making mistakes, not understanding enough, not doing enough.. but also with the added stress of NaNo. This November has been almost nothing but hell.

I've kept up with writing; why? It doesn't really help me in any way in any direction. I haven't even really written the story I was supposed to, I'm doing much the same thing as last year, writing about the histories of different characters. Yes, in story form, but they're not in any way part of the actual story. Admitted, I've found a lot of fun things about them, and interesting events, but still...

I could've used all that time to sleep a little more, not be late so often, and actually get things done on time for once. And now I've gone and dragged my partner to the same lateness mess with my mess-ups. She had her personal work ready like over a week ago, I'm barely midway. And the customer job we're doing? She's done most of it. I don't even know what the hell I've been doing, but it feels like I've done nothing, and she just slaves away. I mean, honestly, what gives? Why am I so slow?

I feel so useless sometimes! Got nothing worth giving that someone else doesn't have (and more and better), got no words to say that wouldn't come out wrong, got no sense of morality or backbone to kick me through things. Got nothing. Just.. nothing.

I'm just so goddamn tired I want to.. I don't know, kick someone. Maybe myself, if I had the energy. And so apathetic. I think I'm lying to everyone all the time, looking cheery and assuring them that yes, I love life and working and giving my time for others, and at that moment I usually believe myself too.. but afterwardS? I just couldn't care less about other people. I'm too busy moping about my own sad little life.

That's why I leave my room. I have to. I'd kill myself if I just sat here every day.

And I know that that wouldn't really fix anything in the end.